A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother

A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother
By Rachel Cusk (212 pages)
Published by Picador
Bookish rating: 4

Novelist Rachel Cusk tackles nonfiction in her autobiographical tale of becoming a mum, as she experienced it.

This is one of the most intelligent books I've read on motherhood, though Pershey's Any Day a Beautiful Change is also a smart, poignant read that honestly portrays motherhood.

A lot of Cusk's trials and tribulations were not something I identified with (I'm not a stay-at-home home, finding good child care providers and babysitters was not THAT hard for me, I didn't have British healthcare workers showing up to ascertain the success of my mothering [hey, UK! At least y'all HAVE medical folks who check in on postpartum women instead of dumping in the ocean of motherhood solo, hoping they swim--and, let's not forget, BREASTFEED! But I digress.]). However, Cusk's WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE? of new motherhood was, actually, something I could identify with. Shifting from an introverted, self-contained, perfectly-happy-to-be-alone woman to a mother who had this creature physically depleting me, requiring all of my time and attention . . . . well, it was an adjustment for me.

Cusk writes, "No matter how much I try to retain my self, my shape, within the confines of this trial, it is like trying to resist the sleep an anesthetic forces upon a patient. I believe that my will can keep me afloat, can save me from being submerged; but consciousness itself is unseated, undermined, by the process of reproduction. By having a baby I have created a rival consciousness, one towards which my bond of duty is such that it easily gains power over me and holds me in an enfeebling tithe" (p. 133). Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Your kiddo shifts to the front, always,  always, always.

Cusk writes of how she debates whether to do dishes or read while her daughter naps, only to have the joyful nugget of good reading yanked away when the baby wakes.

I like books like this one, because it's honest. I tire of the syrupy odes to motherhood about peas on the floor, but golly gee, those jam hands and bright eyes are just so darn cute. Oh, so blessed. I don't dare complain! That crap. What that does is construct a single, idealized version of motherhood that may fly out the window, depending on mama's temperament, the baby's temperament, spousal help, social support, biochemistry, economic realities, FEEDING DRAMA, and sleep deprivation. It creates the Good Mother and the Bad Mother. And this is bullshit. Although there are times I seriously want to hiss at my dear children as they infringe on hours of my time and independence, I adore them, and they know it. Motherhood is a mixed bag of emotional strife and joy. We know this, but somehow we have trouble articulating it. Or perhaps just being honest about it.

A Life's Work is often witty and sometimes brinks on parody. At times, the text is over-written and a little self-consciously showy, but really, it's quite good. Recommended.