The Milk Memos

The Milk Memos: How Real Moms Learned to Mix Business with Babies-and How You Can, Too
By Cate Colburn-Smith and Andrea Serrette
Published by Tarcher (384 pages)
Bookish rating: 3.5

I think a 3.5 rating for this book is on the generous side, but you know what? NO OTHER BOOK THOROUGHLY TACKLES THE TOPIC OF BREASTFEEDING AFTER RETURNING TO WORK. And, well, women work. Women with children. Women with breastfed children.

In fact, after a little innocent Web surfing or parenting-book reading to gather some tips on mixing work and breastfeeding, I found--repeatedly--the solution to all my breastfeeding problems: Don't work! Or, work from home and keep the baby home with me (and don't actually work!) Yes, the breast-feed-at-all-costs approach to reality.

You've got to be *#@!ing kidding me.

So, yay on publishing this book. It accepts that you work, doesn't try to talk you out of it (like the only other book about breastfeeding + working available), and there's an aura of honesty that this book contains that other working-mom books tend to gloss over, probably because it's uncomfortable: Some days, being a working mom--especially a mommy of an infant--are heartbreakingly difficult.

That said, this book could have been much better. Premise? A bunch of moms at IBM share a custodial closet where they pump milk, and they write cheesy jokes and notes back to each other in a notebook.

Some things bugged the poo out of me:

1. Like every other working mommy book I've read that claims to understand what MOST working mommies take on each day, this one's authors have: (1) a nanny, or (2) a husband who's a stay-at-home dad. THIS IS NOT REALITY. Don't tell me you know what a daily grind is until you've juggled daycare drop-off/pick-up, bottle packing, etc. Oh, and without a nanny or house husband to clean and sanitize all those pump parts and bottles. Frankly, this trend is so clear-cut, I kind of wonder if it's only those working moms with that sort of flexibility who have the time to write a how-to book on working mommyhood. Well, that's just freaking great.

2. The authors CLAIM that nobody should ever make you feel bad if you supplement with formula. And yet? One of our smug authors (I forget which one--they have completely non-unique voices) announces how she made it a! whole! year! without! a! single! drop! of! formula! For a book that claims to be rah-rahing on working mothers killing themselves to continue breastfeeding while working, and when supply so often simply cannot keep up with demand, especially with a pump that cannot perfectly imitate an infant suckle, this completely pissed me off. Working mothers are a sensitive lot, and the sole reason the author didn't edit out that line was to announce to the world, "Look at me! BEST MOM EVER!" The formula-is-okay inclusion was obviously mere lip service. As someone who is unlikely to get through the rest of this week without the freezer stash of milk running out, and for whom formula supplementing is an impending certainty, this bugged me. Short of waking up in the middle of the night just to pump (which I'm not willing to do), there's not a damn thing I can do about my supply. And yet . . . FAILURE! Thanks for the pep talk, ladies.

3. I believe it is the same author from above who writes annoyingly about how precious breastfeeding her baby is. How every second is treasured, even at 2:00 a.m.. Again, I seriously doubt that the majority of women feel that way. Or, maybe I'm a crappy mom. I would rather sleep than breastfeed ANY DAY. In fact, Lorelei sleeping through the night has significantly reduced my supply. I can't think of a more thrilling reason to mix that bottle of formula! Anyway, there is this weird tone that assumes you, working mommy, long to hold your suckling infant at your breast all the live-long day. But some of us don't. I like the evening nursing just fine, and if I'm telecommuting and don't have to fear spit-up on my work clothes, the morning session is reasonably sweet. But overall, especially if one factors in the awful early weeks? Breastfeeding is something I dutifully do, often resentfully.

Overall, the book accomplishes what it's supposed to: acknowledging that working while breastfeeding has its share of logistical challenges that aren't as simple as, what our (male) pediatrician suggests, returning calls while pumping. A lot goes into breastfeeding while working, and Milk Memos gets that.

Mostly.