Balance Is a Crock, Sleep Is for the Weak

Balance Is a Crock, Sleep Is for the Weak: An Indispensable Guide to Surviving Working Motherhood

By Amy Eschliman and Leigh Oshirak (326 pages)

Published by Avery

Bookish rating: 4

I’m not sure why working motherhood is such a lonely endeavor. I mean, gazillions of us do it. I suppose we’re just too busy to discuss it during play dates because WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR PLAY DATES.

Anyway. Balance Is a Crock is a witty parenting book devoted to working mums. It has some flaws, but I loved it. The tone is irreverent, wine drinking is encouraged, and there are no paragraphs insisting that working motherhood is the RIGHT CHOICE. Nor does it suggest that staying home is the WRONG CHOICE. It’s just accepted that working is what the reader does and moves on. And I liked that.

The pregnancy section is sort of filler, because pregnancy might affect your job somewhat, but beyond having to (1) correctly time when you tell your boss (e.g., taking into account things like long-term projects, potential promotions, the fact your stomach is taking on the shape of some sort of melon), (2) cope with morning sickness while pretending to be fully functional, and (3) plan maternity leave, your career doesn’t REALLY suffer until you have the baby—and come back.

At which point, the book becomes much better. The authors advise mommies to “fake it ‘til you make it,” and this is sage advice. My boss told me, “I’m amazed you get here as early as you do—and with make-up on.” That’s me faking it. And the authors are right: Start by trying to fool others that you’re competent and totally together despite the fact you were covered in spit-up breast milk at dawn and thus are wearing your Tuesday outfit on Monday, and you’ll eventually fool yourself and—behold!—become competent and somewhat together. You know, with time.

My favorite section dealt with sick kids: “For dual working parents there is no phone call you dread more than the sick kid bomb from school. We liken it to getting bitch-slapped. It comes out of nowhere and it hurts that bad. . . . Just seeing the school’s phone number on caller ID is enough to get our hearts racing . . . If you get the call and your kid is genuinely sick, we’re sorry. Your life is about to suck on so many levels” (pp. 176–177). Oh, the truth of these words! Nothing makes you want to throw in the towel on working more than a sick kid. The disruption of routine, needing to be two places at once, and simultaneously tending to deadlines and a sick kiddo—it’s awful. Also: “If you are lucky you won’t get sick until the kids get better. God have mercy if you all get the tummy bug at the same time” (p. 180).

Truth.

The other particularly good section covers the sad fact that your career will, in some way or form, become the “sacrificial lamb” due to your decision to procreate. No blanket statement can be made for all working moms, of course, but the authors encourage (which I appreciated) finding value in things beyond position and money, such as flexible schedules, telecommuting options, job-sharing, a position you can “leave” at work for the most part, good bosses and employers who have your back, and on and on. There’s much truth (again!) in this. For me, I’m sure my career would move forward faster without Charlotte, but that’s not something I even have room to regret. I’ve got a good schedule, occasional telecommuting, and a great boss. It works.

Still, the book is a little flawed. Like so many working-mother books, the authors are relatively high-powered, but working mothers are not just executives wearing Prada. They’re not all professional, even. They include school teachers, store clerks, doctors, nannies, receptionists, congresswomen, alligator hunters, and ship captains. The authors outsource a lot (which I TOTALLY support) and rely heavily on nannies and babysitters, with maybe a dash of daycare thrown in. This requires pretty impressive cash flow, which not all working moms have, despite being wage-earners. And the nanny thing—sigh. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Daycare presents unique challenges that need to be fully addressed in a book like this, because most young children of professional women attend daycare. In this case, an author decided daycare was too stressful and hired a nanny. Not exactly the how-to advice for those of us refusing to go down the nanny route (fun fact: with two kids in daycare, a nanny would be cheaper for us than daycare, but I’m one of about 2% of people who think daycare is superior to nanny care, at least for older toddlers and preschoolers. But that’s a post for another day, and not on Bookish!)

This book contains much good advice but mostly it’s just a fun read that reminds you, oh working mother, that you’re pretty effing amazing. For that, I highly recommend it to any working mum.